Pick Up At ya last point of Progress

Activities as of late made me really reflect on the moves I am soon to make and who will be there and who will not.

I had some really bad backsliding days. But a close friend of mine put things in a better perspective for me.

Don’t look at them as backsliding days, look at them as a revisit to old habits, he said, as long as you learn from them and pick up at the point of progress you good..

He is wise.

God knows all we do and all we are. He knows what moves we make before we make them because he knows our hearts. I put my faith more and more in GOD as the days go. I cant sit here and wine and complain too much cause I come alone way from what I was three or four months ago.

So today I found my center peace again. I really don’t care about much right now but myself and developing a stronger relationship with god, my music, family and myself.
Nothing else is even authentic. Sometimes I slip into worlds I wish I was in again but end up hurting myself because the reality can be so painful.

Escaping into music and rebuilding my soul. I must stay in control.

Please visit http://www.ladyjinxxx.com for info on the music.

I got more shows tossed my way and if only I can stay more focused I will be ok..
I cant find happiness in a failed love or a upside confused soul. Someone who is hesitant on you is hesitant on themselves

I Cant Go Back In Time..But U be Apart Of Me..

JUST YESTERDAY it seems me and my people Cash and Lavar was headed up Salisbury, MD to make music. Those were the days I had just started my company B.ALIVE. Everyone couldn’t come to my homegirl Shonte A.K.A dutch house to make music but us three would go. Kick it and talk, geek and make hot records together. We all are different places in our life now. Cash and dutch are members of the company still but just associated because of distance and mindset but I look at em as distant cousins that are still fam and Lavar a.k.a Conscious has been out of b.alive for sometime and have joined other groups but we still civil. I say that little bit to say my my has time passed. That was about four years ago.

When I sometimes sit back and think about how fast time is passing that shit fucking scares me. 7 yr relationship ended this year and FUCK where did the time go? Before I pressed delete on the last visual memories I had on the relationship I read the caption anniversary 22 Dec. 4years!!! DELETE! Next picture 6yrs next week, DAMNNN !! Delete..

If only it was that simple to delete memories like the computer does.

Wasted time and wasted energy.. sometimes to do what necessarily in life?
I been waiting on other people a lot of my years for something. Shit I blink and im 22yrs old.

Just yesterday I was crying my eyes out at graduation cause I thought I loose my high school sweet heart. Fuck 5 years ago. Shit flash back 3years ago quit school to focus on music cause I couldn’t do both, damn fast forward im here back in school when my generation (most of em) walked across the stage this year. My mind wonders. I get fustrated at the shit that ive done in the past but I cant change it. I cant reverse age and fucking change shit about where iam now.

I point blame. Gather hate in my chest because some shit I feel ive done has side tracked me.

What happened to miss independent? Miss wait on no man? Lmao DIED !! 3years ago. Waitied on a house. To be married. To have kids. To chase dreams. To graduate. To get mine. And I can honestly say the cast of love, distraction and self battles are to blame.

FUCK U A.D.D (Attention Deficit Disorder)

Fuck u Love

Fuck u Ave. (myself)

Lmao just kidding. These things are stepping stones… part of me! And tho I want to yell it so badly and be mad so bad at the decisions and wasted time I have made I can only look forward. I been making some mistakes lately. Slipping from my mountain of hurt I been climbing. But it just dawned on me……

Do I want to wait another second, minute, hour, day, YEAR worried about what I don’t have verses what can come to me?

FUCK NO!

So I revist those days and trips I sat wit my x-boyfriend laughing at the dog and looking at each other eyes and watching him sleep this morning

And I revisit trips seeing my friends, recording good music and havin a good time on the ride up to see Dutch this morning teaching myself a lesson…

They are memories. They are things I cant get back and redo. Its over. Its over and its not now. The time I have now is what I must live. Time to just let it be what it is and do what I must do for my future. My goals. Stick to the plan..

Let it go..

Dont Backslide..

Listening to Monica’s song “Believing In Me” off of her new album and I must say it’s the type of song I should live by right now.(LOL) Yesterday I revisited the twightlight zone and found myself backsliding. Artist sometimes speak to our souls when we hurt and go threw things.
One of my favorite artist that speak to me believe it or not is not a hip-hop artist. Her name is Dito. Now my hip-hop heads wondering who is that and why is it not a rapper? Well for one ppl who ask that question, just because I’ am a rapper don’t mean I gotta dig hip-hop artist as tha favorite lol BUT BACK ON TOPIC

I heard her speak to me yesterday as I was backsliding saying “Don’t Slide” one of her lines in her first album. I took those words and kept rocking.

SO on that note I learned a lesson. Don’t inhale tha bullshit again if you already exhaled. Let it go. Let it flow in the direction away from you. Sometimes God takes people out your life, so don’t chase after them, I was told this morning. And I will follow that with friends and whoever .

So I been in procrastination mode for a min in my music career and my school work. It is this class I know that’s coming up that I can get a jump-start on but instead I let the book collect dust. And its beats that need a ripping and a whipping but again I let them sit. Smh.. so I got work to do. On a good note I go to the studio like every week now, putting music together. On a bad note mann the tracks sometimes can be laid much better.

My crew I see is under construction too. Sometimes it don’t get threw to them my intentions. So I think I gotta be more sincere when speaking about the direction and personal shit they must do along with me. We at that age where we can shoot for dreams but we also need that back up plan to the back up plan. Life should not revolve round other ppl but ourselves in order to advance and gain the comfort we need to sit and be happy. No backslide just forward progression up the steps of life.  On that note..

Till next time….

Plez Tell Me God -- Jinxxx

NEW SONG PEEP IT. IM A LIL OFF AND ON ABOUT IT BUT I FELT IT A BIG DEAL IN THE BOOTH. IT WAS LIKE YELL THERPY FOR ME LOL. PEEP IT