Im Writing A Book..And Peep my performance

I stood up on stage looking out at everyone in A trans. I have not seen a lot of my fellow rappers and the Baltimore Scene in a long time. Last time I seen them I was angry.. A open mic after my break-up. It was a alright performance. But prior to that the night before my life changed and who I was at that moment was about to change too. I will not waste no more time talking about this after this I say to myself but this had to get out. Im writing a book.. see an some below ..

Queen Of The Mic 2010 I was dumped after the show looking for support from my boyfriend of seven years hoping he would be there for me. Instead, I got the total opposite. He was angry that I bothered him at a party and felt I angered him so much that he had to leave the party. When we exchanged words over the phone and he told me to get over it, I went home angry, packing a bag to stay overnight ignoring him. We then started to fuss and go back and forth. I charged at him with frustration when he questioned what have I done for him lately. It was wrong. I was wrong. Apologies were said but he had made up his mind. He didn’t want to be in the relationship no more. He was “taird” of me. In disbelief I asked him was he sure. He was sure all right. I would not know till months later he had been sure for a long time and maybe he just pitched me the biggest favor ever. He was confused yet made up his mind I wasn’t the woman for him. So with that I fell into something of a depression and a determination never to be that stupid girl again. The one who never would hurt this man and put 100% into a man who just cheated on me and dragged me threw his confused ways all of our relationship. The lies and the risk involved dealing with someone like him I didn’t see until after the relationship. Sure it was good times but damn he did so much to me. I walked away from the mic and would spend countless hours in my room sleep. Waiting to go to work again. That’s all I looked forward to. My friends at the post office. When you cater to someone most of your life and never make time to have a life outside your significant other its hard to bounce back.

So I took the stage Aug. 18th with a determination to excel. To express my feelings like I need to when I write. This situation weighed on me for so long, that I can not be the carrier of someone else any longer. I am a good person and I put my all into something that was false. So getting on that stage showed me all that needs to matter is me right now and getting this music and school right.. Yes im writing a book… peep video for a look into how it will be promoted.

My Bad Lover, I was being Stupid

My bad I was being stupid..
Stood by your side when I was so clueless
Wasn’t too bright
Blinded by ya so called light
I fell off and never regained my LIFE
Boy I gave u my all and with that I lost sight
Lost my grip on the mic
Lost my flight
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Liar, deceiver, actor playing lead role
A mental abuse
You was the beater
Feeder to my sexual desire
But lacked love and all it appliances
I was your front
Your trophy you hide behind
So nobody a kno the secrets they find
Its unfortunate
I would never hurt you or provoke u to cry
But you loved 2 do that me
What crazy shit I find
Laying in the jungle of lies
Disgusting and you wanting something I could never produce
I drive myself insane with the poison you feed me wit forbidden fruit
But I wish you the best as I close this chapter of mine
Close that angle in my mind
Yes this is the final good-bye
Ive said it too many times
But this here feels so sincerer
I don’t love you no more that is so FUCKIN clear
Clearer then I never thought it could
Should a left years ago when it was the 1st time
KNOCK ON WOOD
Who got the short stick
Me myself and I
For being that dumb chick

It all breaks its too late, I feel hate.. but I can take partial blame
Never give second chances to dancing flames..

Pick Up At ya last point of Progress

Activities as of late made me really reflect on the moves I am soon to make and who will be there and who will not.

I had some really bad backsliding days. But a close friend of mine put things in a better perspective for me.

Don’t look at them as backsliding days, look at them as a revisit to old habits, he said, as long as you learn from them and pick up at the point of progress you good..

He is wise.

God knows all we do and all we are. He knows what moves we make before we make them because he knows our hearts. I put my faith more and more in GOD as the days go. I cant sit here and wine and complain too much cause I come alone way from what I was three or four months ago.

So today I found my center peace again. I really don’t care about much right now but myself and developing a stronger relationship with god, my music, family and myself.
Nothing else is even authentic. Sometimes I slip into worlds I wish I was in again but end up hurting myself because the reality can be so painful.

Escaping into music and rebuilding my soul. I must stay in control.

Please visit http://www.ladyjinxxx.com for info on the music.

I got more shows tossed my way and if only I can stay more focused I will be ok..
I cant find happiness in a failed love or a upside confused soul. Someone who is hesitant on you is hesitant on themselves

I Cant Go Back In Time..But U be Apart Of Me..

JUST YESTERDAY it seems me and my people Cash and Lavar was headed up Salisbury, MD to make music. Those were the days I had just started my company B.ALIVE. Everyone couldn’t come to my homegirl Shonte A.K.A dutch house to make music but us three would go. Kick it and talk, geek and make hot records together. We all are different places in our life now. Cash and dutch are members of the company still but just associated because of distance and mindset but I look at em as distant cousins that are still fam and Lavar a.k.a Conscious has been out of b.alive for sometime and have joined other groups but we still civil. I say that little bit to say my my has time passed. That was about four years ago.

When I sometimes sit back and think about how fast time is passing that shit fucking scares me. 7 yr relationship ended this year and FUCK where did the time go? Before I pressed delete on the last visual memories I had on the relationship I read the caption anniversary 22 Dec. 4years!!! DELETE! Next picture 6yrs next week, DAMNNN !! Delete..

If only it was that simple to delete memories like the computer does.

Wasted time and wasted energy.. sometimes to do what necessarily in life?
I been waiting on other people a lot of my years for something. Shit I blink and im 22yrs old.

Just yesterday I was crying my eyes out at graduation cause I thought I loose my high school sweet heart. Fuck 5 years ago. Shit flash back 3years ago quit school to focus on music cause I couldn’t do both, damn fast forward im here back in school when my generation (most of em) walked across the stage this year. My mind wonders. I get fustrated at the shit that ive done in the past but I cant change it. I cant reverse age and fucking change shit about where iam now.

I point blame. Gather hate in my chest because some shit I feel ive done has side tracked me.

What happened to miss independent? Miss wait on no man? Lmao DIED !! 3years ago. Waitied on a house. To be married. To have kids. To chase dreams. To graduate. To get mine. And I can honestly say the cast of love, distraction and self battles are to blame.

FUCK U A.D.D (Attention Deficit Disorder)

Fuck u Love

Fuck u Ave. (myself)

Lmao just kidding. These things are stepping stones… part of me! And tho I want to yell it so badly and be mad so bad at the decisions and wasted time I have made I can only look forward. I been making some mistakes lately. Slipping from my mountain of hurt I been climbing. But it just dawned on me……

Do I want to wait another second, minute, hour, day, YEAR worried about what I don’t have verses what can come to me?

FUCK NO!

So I revist those days and trips I sat wit my x-boyfriend laughing at the dog and looking at each other eyes and watching him sleep this morning

And I revisit trips seeing my friends, recording good music and havin a good time on the ride up to see Dutch this morning teaching myself a lesson…

They are memories. They are things I cant get back and redo. Its over. Its over and its not now. The time I have now is what I must live. Time to just let it be what it is and do what I must do for my future. My goals. Stick to the plan..

Let it go..

Dont Backslide..

Listening to Monica’s song “Believing In Me” off of her new album and I must say it’s the type of song I should live by right now.(LOL) Yesterday I revisited the twightlight zone and found myself backsliding. Artist sometimes speak to our souls when we hurt and go threw things.
One of my favorite artist that speak to me believe it or not is not a hip-hop artist. Her name is Dito. Now my hip-hop heads wondering who is that and why is it not a rapper? Well for one ppl who ask that question, just because I’ am a rapper don’t mean I gotta dig hip-hop artist as tha favorite lol BUT BACK ON TOPIC

I heard her speak to me yesterday as I was backsliding saying “Don’t Slide” one of her lines in her first album. I took those words and kept rocking.

SO on that note I learned a lesson. Don’t inhale tha bullshit again if you already exhaled. Let it go. Let it flow in the direction away from you. Sometimes God takes people out your life, so don’t chase after them, I was told this morning. And I will follow that with friends and whoever .

So I been in procrastination mode for a min in my music career and my school work. It is this class I know that’s coming up that I can get a jump-start on but instead I let the book collect dust. And its beats that need a ripping and a whipping but again I let them sit. Smh.. so I got work to do. On a good note I go to the studio like every week now, putting music together. On a bad note mann the tracks sometimes can be laid much better.

My crew I see is under construction too. Sometimes it don’t get threw to them my intentions. So I think I gotta be more sincere when speaking about the direction and personal shit they must do along with me. We at that age where we can shoot for dreams but we also need that back up plan to the back up plan. Life should not revolve round other ppl but ourselves in order to advance and gain the comfort we need to sit and be happy. No backslide just forward progression up the steps of life.  On that note..

Till next time….

Plez Tell Me God -- Jinxxx

NEW SONG PEEP IT. IM A LIL OFF AND ON ABOUT IT BUT I FELT IT A BIG DEAL IN THE BOOTH. IT WAS LIKE YELL THERPY FOR ME LOL. PEEP IT

FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH- Dedicate- discipline

I have learned the most important lesson this year, yesterday as I talked to my aunt, co-workers and myself.

My aunt said its best. "Its time to focus on you and don't ever put someone higher then yourself or god, because then that makes them a GOD and its ONLY ONE GOD." Well said Auntie!!

Then my co-worker told me, "just give things time and see what i grow to be but its outside those doors of your house, go get it!" Damn RIGHT co-worker lol.

The funny thing is people been telling me for a minute to do me and i was. But somewhere i had got lost again. Caught up in the battles of love and confusion i had seriously thought i was missing something and couldn't got on without it. Only thing missing i told this man a few days back is Dedication and Discipline. They go hand and hand with anything. You can not have discipline with out dedication. Each day that go by its a battle. And i cant put it all on love because love is not all i am missing now. Love and being in a relationship i put my all into. That was my fault. I should a put half of me into it but never loose myself. Trust And Believe I lost myself.

Its been bout three months. and I cried like a little child yesterday lol. but not just because he is gone lol BECAUSE I WAS GONE!!!

MUSIC has saved me again!! And so will GOD in due time. When I DISCIPLINE AND DEDICATE TIME :-) I AM MORE AND MORE!!

Im meant for something more.

So that being said. I set the date for my video. 27th of this month. Also I got a Chicago try out this week via video that I am excited about and also I am grabbing them guys together. B.ALIVE guys. That's my company. My Baby. I been giving the members in the company space not because of me but personal issues we all seem to have. But don't cut us short.

Iam also almost done my project.
Also Stepping out on a leaf this Saturday taking some exotic fitness for my stage performance and to get in shape lol. :-) love that.

Dedicate, and discipline.
One of my old sayings was simple
FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH
if u have that mind frame you are unstoppable.
I had it at one point.
I will get it back.

till next time.