Pick Up At ya last point of Progress

Activities as of late made me really reflect on the moves I am soon to make and who will be there and who will not.

I had some really bad backsliding days. But a close friend of mine put things in a better perspective for me.

Don’t look at them as backsliding days, look at them as a revisit to old habits, he said, as long as you learn from them and pick up at the point of progress you good..

He is wise.

God knows all we do and all we are. He knows what moves we make before we make them because he knows our hearts. I put my faith more and more in GOD as the days go. I cant sit here and wine and complain too much cause I come alone way from what I was three or four months ago.

So today I found my center peace again. I really don’t care about much right now but myself and developing a stronger relationship with god, my music, family and myself.
Nothing else is even authentic. Sometimes I slip into worlds I wish I was in again but end up hurting myself because the reality can be so painful.

Escaping into music and rebuilding my soul. I must stay in control.

Please visit http://www.ladyjinxxx.com for info on the music.

I got more shows tossed my way and if only I can stay more focused I will be ok..
I cant find happiness in a failed love or a upside confused soul. Someone who is hesitant on you is hesitant on themselves

I Cant Go Back In Time..But U be Apart Of Me..

JUST YESTERDAY it seems me and my people Cash and Lavar was headed up Salisbury, MD to make music. Those were the days I had just started my company B.ALIVE. Everyone couldn’t come to my homegirl Shonte A.K.A dutch house to make music but us three would go. Kick it and talk, geek and make hot records together. We all are different places in our life now. Cash and dutch are members of the company still but just associated because of distance and mindset but I look at em as distant cousins that are still fam and Lavar a.k.a Conscious has been out of b.alive for sometime and have joined other groups but we still civil. I say that little bit to say my my has time passed. That was about four years ago.

When I sometimes sit back and think about how fast time is passing that shit fucking scares me. 7 yr relationship ended this year and FUCK where did the time go? Before I pressed delete on the last visual memories I had on the relationship I read the caption anniversary 22 Dec. 4years!!! DELETE! Next picture 6yrs next week, DAMNNN !! Delete..

If only it was that simple to delete memories like the computer does.

Wasted time and wasted energy.. sometimes to do what necessarily in life?
I been waiting on other people a lot of my years for something. Shit I blink and im 22yrs old.

Just yesterday I was crying my eyes out at graduation cause I thought I loose my high school sweet heart. Fuck 5 years ago. Shit flash back 3years ago quit school to focus on music cause I couldn’t do both, damn fast forward im here back in school when my generation (most of em) walked across the stage this year. My mind wonders. I get fustrated at the shit that ive done in the past but I cant change it. I cant reverse age and fucking change shit about where iam now.

I point blame. Gather hate in my chest because some shit I feel ive done has side tracked me.

What happened to miss independent? Miss wait on no man? Lmao DIED !! 3years ago. Waitied on a house. To be married. To have kids. To chase dreams. To graduate. To get mine. And I can honestly say the cast of love, distraction and self battles are to blame.

FUCK U A.D.D (Attention Deficit Disorder)

Fuck u Love

Fuck u Ave. (myself)

Lmao just kidding. These things are stepping stones… part of me! And tho I want to yell it so badly and be mad so bad at the decisions and wasted time I have made I can only look forward. I been making some mistakes lately. Slipping from my mountain of hurt I been climbing. But it just dawned on me……

Do I want to wait another second, minute, hour, day, YEAR worried about what I don’t have verses what can come to me?

FUCK NO!

So I revist those days and trips I sat wit my x-boyfriend laughing at the dog and looking at each other eyes and watching him sleep this morning

And I revisit trips seeing my friends, recording good music and havin a good time on the ride up to see Dutch this morning teaching myself a lesson…

They are memories. They are things I cant get back and redo. Its over. Its over and its not now. The time I have now is what I must live. Time to just let it be what it is and do what I must do for my future. My goals. Stick to the plan..

Let it go..

Dont Backslide..

Listening to Monica’s song “Believing In Me” off of her new album and I must say it’s the type of song I should live by right now.(LOL) Yesterday I revisited the twightlight zone and found myself backsliding. Artist sometimes speak to our souls when we hurt and go threw things.
One of my favorite artist that speak to me believe it or not is not a hip-hop artist. Her name is Dito. Now my hip-hop heads wondering who is that and why is it not a rapper? Well for one ppl who ask that question, just because I’ am a rapper don’t mean I gotta dig hip-hop artist as tha favorite lol BUT BACK ON TOPIC

I heard her speak to me yesterday as I was backsliding saying “Don’t Slide” one of her lines in her first album. I took those words and kept rocking.

SO on that note I learned a lesson. Don’t inhale tha bullshit again if you already exhaled. Let it go. Let it flow in the direction away from you. Sometimes God takes people out your life, so don’t chase after them, I was told this morning. And I will follow that with friends and whoever .

So I been in procrastination mode for a min in my music career and my school work. It is this class I know that’s coming up that I can get a jump-start on but instead I let the book collect dust. And its beats that need a ripping and a whipping but again I let them sit. Smh.. so I got work to do. On a good note I go to the studio like every week now, putting music together. On a bad note mann the tracks sometimes can be laid much better.

My crew I see is under construction too. Sometimes it don’t get threw to them my intentions. So I think I gotta be more sincere when speaking about the direction and personal shit they must do along with me. We at that age where we can shoot for dreams but we also need that back up plan to the back up plan. Life should not revolve round other ppl but ourselves in order to advance and gain the comfort we need to sit and be happy. No backslide just forward progression up the steps of life.  On that note..

Till next time….

Plez Tell Me God -- Jinxxx

NEW SONG PEEP IT. IM A LIL OFF AND ON ABOUT IT BUT I FELT IT A BIG DEAL IN THE BOOTH. IT WAS LIKE YELL THERPY FOR ME LOL. PEEP IT

FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH- Dedicate- discipline

I have learned the most important lesson this year, yesterday as I talked to my aunt, co-workers and myself.

My aunt said its best. "Its time to focus on you and don't ever put someone higher then yourself or god, because then that makes them a GOD and its ONLY ONE GOD." Well said Auntie!!

Then my co-worker told me, "just give things time and see what i grow to be but its outside those doors of your house, go get it!" Damn RIGHT co-worker lol.

The funny thing is people been telling me for a minute to do me and i was. But somewhere i had got lost again. Caught up in the battles of love and confusion i had seriously thought i was missing something and couldn't got on without it. Only thing missing i told this man a few days back is Dedication and Discipline. They go hand and hand with anything. You can not have discipline with out dedication. Each day that go by its a battle. And i cant put it all on love because love is not all i am missing now. Love and being in a relationship i put my all into. That was my fault. I should a put half of me into it but never loose myself. Trust And Believe I lost myself.

Its been bout three months. and I cried like a little child yesterday lol. but not just because he is gone lol BECAUSE I WAS GONE!!!

MUSIC has saved me again!! And so will GOD in due time. When I DISCIPLINE AND DEDICATE TIME :-) I AM MORE AND MORE!!

Im meant for something more.

So that being said. I set the date for my video. 27th of this month. Also I got a Chicago try out this week via video that I am excited about and also I am grabbing them guys together. B.ALIVE guys. That's my company. My Baby. I been giving the members in the company space not because of me but personal issues we all seem to have. But don't cut us short.

Iam also almost done my project.
Also Stepping out on a leaf this Saturday taking some exotic fitness for my stage performance and to get in shape lol. :-) love that.

Dedicate, and discipline.
One of my old sayings was simple
FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH
if u have that mind frame you are unstoppable.
I had it at one point.
I will get it back.

till next time.

Motivation was good to eat.

Sharpen my skills and ready to just do what I need to in order to take myself to a new level. I am excited as I see now its more to do and its more out there then these little problems I have. I will begin classes to improve stage performance next week and also help me tone up.

I also have a video in the makes that I am excited about that will be promotion for my mixtape as i work on another project.

A deal came threw with a Chicago connect. If they like me i will be there in Sept. at their african fest. I am blessed. Maybe somethings are ment to happen after all.

I composed a good outline yesterday of my weekly direction. It was good to try to put myself on a schedule. I know many people dont think I can do it but i damn sure will try. My moms say i never stick to most of the stuff i say i will do. Motivation ate! It was good lol so i will try harder.

The biggest move is making them inside then working your ways outside. I have to work harder! I have to be stronger

the mind bender.. Being there for me.

I'm at work thinking. I got so much waiting for me its just time to get it. Sunday I head to NYC for the "D.M.V meets NYC" showcase. Also got a shot to perform in chicago for their african fest. So all this sits there waiting for me. But this little man is in my head throwing shit out of order. Its also a woman there too confused. Never thought I be one of those woman so effected by a man but I am. Seven years gone is hard to forget. Its been two months and my ass struggles to still move on from a cheating ass lie. Two times. Eve said love is blind. HELL YEA. But I made the choice a day ago not to be put into this game no more. Why beg for something back that was not cool anyways. So I step into the music and hopes it saves me again.

I went to the mall today with a close friend. As I went I threw out the mind bender and lived. I had fun with my friend and peeped my music as the step that needs to work with my school. I am slowly getting back on track but I have a cold heart. I been so different additude wise. I kinda like it. Not giving a fuck can get you far if u choose not to give a fuck about certain things that deserve it.

NYC Sunday such be a boost.
A nice little vacation with someone who cares about me is coming up too.. can't wait..

Music, mind ,body, soul
Educate grow and let shit go.
A lot of people don't care. They pull ya string and laugh at u. Leave u fucked
I can't be that person no more.
I gotta be there for me.