Changes (My Life Update)

RANDOM UPDATE... sorry its been so long!
I saw social networks light up with surprise of my new skills and new interest. My friend Mark Carey spoke over the phone with such joy that I resorted to something creative to keep my mind off foolishness of a boy and his uncertainty of himself and my place in which I was erased from. Instead, I picked up a camera and decided to make some money. Just over two months ago, I was destroyed thinking of the past and how presently someone could treat me so wrong and replace me as if I was never there. But surprisingly I stepped up and decided to put that energy of worrying into a creative force which produced tremendous results. Its been over a year since he left and I got depressed, but with great fall come triumphant climbs to new heights… A Change… Changes?

I am scared of change, so I thought. I go to the same places and eat the something’s but urn for change. Strange? I want to be this woman I see inside my head.. Jinxxx! The alter ego that hits the stage with confidence and gets things done. Small changes has happened since my boyfriend of 8 years let me go but not as huge as my new found happiness in finding who I’m and what I want as a person. For to long despair and questions of my womanhood controlled me because of my x-boyfriend choosing to be with a man. I’m not going to lie it hurts like hell and ive come to the conclusion based on his actions that I was just there taking up space all this time. So as I battle past that, the sun shines with so much hope that I tend to worry less and less everyday about his existence and new found life. People never see how much they can hurt a person or make a person grow. Its funny…

So I’ve also got a new love in traveling and seeing the world. I don’t need no one to do that. As I save for my house and my ultimate independence I see things I truly never paid attention to. These are things in life which I should put more energy into. Not him.

I’ve done a book on my whole ordeal because it is more then meets the eye and more that I do not share. I hope to get it published and copyright. Its called “In Love With Bi”. My growth process is included in order to help some other woman conquer hardships and avoid the unnecessary drama.

Lavar “Conscious” Clark lifted me up ten feet high when he said he wanted to get his shoot done. Needless to say we haven’t spoke much in awhile because of little things but it seems he’s back to motivating me to do my music and do me as best as possible. Lavar is a friend who has been good to me for awhile. We had our differences but we always end up back in contact with our love of hip-hop. Inspired me to stay on my game and as we talk more I hope it gets stronger.

People wonder where photography came from. Well I look at the art of a person who started off so small and gained so much just by picking up a camera and was inspired. I been inspired since the first day he took my photos but with my clandestine ways I kept that love for his work inside. He’s brilliant, and brings out the art of his photos . He Is vigilant with every detail and determined to excel beyond the horizon. A lot of people know Wali work! Hats off to him and his art and determination.

My Family has been so patient with me and my dreams and goals. School and work has been a battle. Economic times all got everyone in a bind but I still receive support contently from my family. Consistent and for that I owe them to keep striving. HELL I owe myself. This blog has jumped around but whatever..

Trying to stay focus and whatever comes shall come.

People ask me do I need a man ?

I respond if a man shall come he shall be my friend first.

And best of all he shall respect me and love himself as much as I will grow to love him..

So to answer that NO I don’t need a man… indeed I want one. Lol but in time… When I spend time,
When he and I both have time
To create time
To love time and spend it understanding each other mind.
Lol answer your question?
Lol

This is a random OPEN update.. and it went here and there but It was on my mind…

A ball of things.. I just want to keep happy.. and I will… Positive sight equals a better light… better images… better everything…

And with that…. Peace!

Shy: Full Of Life

My dog shy has got to be one of the best gifts given to me in my life besides my other dog Angel who passed last year. Angel was given to my moms but this dog Shy was given to me. She is full of energy, curiosity and life. The representation of who I strive to be in the days that past. May sound weird but she has this personality with her that can light up people faces and make them laugh and adjust to her energy. Weird huh? That's how i want to be in life. and i want to strive for it

Her Baby Died

Her baby died on a Saturday afternoon..
her heart cried but no emotion ran high on the outside
He told her he didn’t want the baby from her, yet he didn’t mind a kid...
She was a high risk pregnancy, she wanted it to live.
Excited by the idea, but torn from a past love.
He was a heartless soul who time after time smashed her.
She changed her number and hope later they can be friends but it made em angry
He never be the same again
So when she told him the news he was for the responsibility
He questioned her though he been the only one in, he took her virginity
He doubted her truthful though he was the one full of lies..
he didn’t want to talk to her, he couldn’t look her in the eyes..
He called her crazy, he spit on her name, he didn’t care for her
He never be the same
Driving her in pain she spit words of acid at his ear
She missed him but couldn’t say sweet things to make him appear..
Her fear trying to live without him and he not wanting to be a father...
So when he said he didn’t want the child by her, it drowned her in water..
All good some weeks ago, he moved in for the slaughter...
Manipulation of the mind, pinned her so behind, she was discouraged by his reply
Truth be told love is cold, left her with no comfort or check up so he would never know.
She lost her baby on a Saturday..
Alone now hoping for better days..
And where is he?
With a new person he celebrates..

REFRESH (dedicated to MBW)

REFRESH, RESET, SEE THE WORLD…
DEPRESSED NO MORE COMPRESS NO MORE A LITTLE GIRL
HIGH STEP IM BLESSED I SEE A NEW CURVE
FOCUS IN HIGH DEF
SO HARD I HAD TO LEARN
LOVE SELF LOVE LIFE
GIVING MYSELF WHAT I DESERVE
TIME TICKS I GET THE BEST OF EVERY MINUTE
I WISH THINGS WERE A BIT DIFFERENT
BUT THE PRESENT IS WHAT’S PRESENTED
NO NEED TO BACKTRACK I STEPPED THAT TOO MUCH
I’VE SAID THINGS I’VE SHOULDN’T AND FUCKED UP
BUT CANT CHANGE THOSE THINGS ALL I CAN DO IS BE HERE NOW
SEE CLEAR NOW…
DO U SEE WHO I’AM NOW?
WANT THE BEST FOR YOU THAT A NEVER CHANGE
WANT THE BEST FOR ME SELF LOVE IS THE BIGGEST THING
THINGS A NEVER BE THE SAME, BUT ITS A NEW LIFETIME..
OUR MOVIE WAS SCRIPT COULD BE ON LIFETIME.
BUT HAPPY ENDINGS I JUST WONT HAVE WITH YOU.
PAINTING A NEW BEGINNING REFRESH AND BRAND NEW
PAST REMINDS ME ALL THE TIME, CANT GO NO WHERE WITHOUT THINKING BOUT U
BUT IM HERE NOW CLEAR NOW, WAVES CLEAR, SAILING WHILE THE SKY IS BLUE
LEARN LIVE, A GROWTH AND I CAN STILL THANK U..
BUT I THANK MYSELF 4 BEING WHAT U NEVER THOUGHT I DO
REFRESH SMILES SHAPE AND NOW ITS NOT SO BAD
PUT INTO A DOOR LOCKED DELETE AND FORGOT WHAT HAS MADE ME MAD
NEW CLASS OF MY OWN, FEELING GOOD AS I HOPE IT GETS BETTER FOR US BOTH!
BUT FINALLY IN A SUMMERY CONGRATULATIONS I’VE MOVED ON!!

This is dedicated to a friend MBW and tho he never see it.. made me smile the face I can speak this way and feel so strong about it. All love. Kisses till next time

down to the wire, i be there

Make Me Smile

I don't want to crack a smile.
I been through somethings...
But mama always say there is clear skies after a rain..
After my storm..
My tears had flood my sight..
The waves were big and so i lost sight..
But clear sailing ahead.. the breeze ease me..
And when i know you are around a smile comes so easy..
I see me.. Happy and beginning to breathe freely.
I toast to the heavens, how could i not see the blessings you feed me..?
The pieces fell apart but the recovery is on paste.
I gotta give love to you and all the time you put in to curve my face!
Make me smile, geek, laugh without no hesitate.
let this lead somewhere
let you stay apart of me.

Love Suicide...

What a beautiful world little girls and boys!
I’m sure things weren’t suppose to turn out the way it did. I’m so positive that my mind didn’t see the things as they lived. And as I should.. I walk away with the coldest feeling.
So exhausted of caring that I turned the other cheek
With so much on the table, I just was not able to accept friendship as our only destination
In this moment in time the only choices I have is to live without you in the current equation.
I can’t live like this..
depressed, compressed, in a bubble I express, in the sheets you undress, on your dick is climbing numbers and I can not be just a number…
I leave with only wonder, best wishes, tip my hat and give deuces.
Open my heart up every time but you just look at me like I’m stupid
While you dip and doodle, I remain chained to you getting brutal whip lashes
from the heartless branches you pass.. oh every time I just wish I could just laugh.
Gashed open heart and I’m just bleeding. The shit you do is so misleading, so believing, I EVEN thought for a second you loved me. Maybe it was not a front maybe it was something temporary in your mind
But i..
Want to love.
Have a family and build my trust up to give a fuck one day..
Some day, some how it a all be far for me and you.
One day I will be all I should been for me and you.
You and I.
Trapped into a love suicide.
But I boys and girls .. I’m the one who dies while he lives..
Mistakes were not 100% his..
What a wonderful world..
What a beautiful cold world..

Artist Jinxxx Speaks On 2010 & 2011 MEN and ADVICE

So Ive decided to do a video blog on what i been going threw and the changes and all wanta see how those work out.. check it out and tell me what u think via email or bottom of the page!! thank u! Just talking about men, my music and a lil advice to some of my ladies out there.

Better Run Run by KING HAMMER-- Jinxxx Thoughts

Everybody that knows me know that I am a hip-hop fan first before I was a artist. I came across the diss that HAMMER put out on Jay-Z and couldn't help but be mad. Hammer has been away from the game for a very long time. So what has sparked this beef or diss I shall say is it what Jay said in one of his songs..

"I lost 30 mil so I spent another 30.
'Cuz unlike Hammer 30 million can't hurt me

Or is it the fact Jay-Z name has come up millions of times when speaking about ties with the devil??
The video portrays that is the case.
But I'm mad because that is not a good way to attack the subject.
Well i could be wrong but don't try to make a comeback off a diss. Make a come back off of good music and records first. I'm not a big Jay-Z fan but I know he got skills. And he not going to pay attention to this video. Dont get me wrong Hammer had skills in his own time but this was not a good way to attack the subject of if an artist is into the devil.
These are my thoughts.
What are yours? comment below and say whatever u like. thanks for reading

Through Wit Ur Shit

I'm so through with you..
Life.. you seem to make fights
U seem to push the life outta my life
I don't understand how joy and hurt can come from you
i don't understand why i run from the truth
U are nothing good
Nothing that a ever be right
Ur broken in the dark wit a small flashlight
and I'm
just lost..
I'm just a cause for your sickness to get worst
I thought that i was helping at first
But this CANT work
this will not
i keep feeding myself pain when it can stop
God says their is room to forgive but he never said its room to stick around
Gut says its really time to exit now
I liked it better when u were inches away
Hours from my brain
Blocked and in a door
Ignored by my soul
Fueled by hate i let you go
but Love is a mothafucker that bitch can re-grow
planted seeds look at me.. it spouts in the snow
but I'm serious now
I'm ready to let go.
ready to believe in myself ready to know something new
Something that is true bright and stands out
Clean and glistens for me to wear when all weather out
Tears touch my cheeks... chic...
i wish to express smiles that march with fleets
that show on sleeves
that is confident with so much belief
I'm through with you. I locked the door blew up the room
No more mentions in conversations
No more wishing for different situations
No more as if u never existed
you never EXISTED
U WILL NOT EXIST
Be Gone.. I'm through with your shit

Im Writing A Book..And Peep my performance

I stood up on stage looking out at everyone in A trans. I have not seen a lot of my fellow rappers and the Baltimore Scene in a long time. Last time I seen them I was angry.. A open mic after my break-up. It was a alright performance. But prior to that the night before my life changed and who I was at that moment was about to change too. I will not waste no more time talking about this after this I say to myself but this had to get out. Im writing a book.. see an some below ..

Queen Of The Mic 2010 I was dumped after the show looking for support from my boyfriend of seven years hoping he would be there for me. Instead, I got the total opposite. He was angry that I bothered him at a party and felt I angered him so much that he had to leave the party. When we exchanged words over the phone and he told me to get over it, I went home angry, packing a bag to stay overnight ignoring him. We then started to fuss and go back and forth. I charged at him with frustration when he questioned what have I done for him lately. It was wrong. I was wrong. Apologies were said but he had made up his mind. He didn’t want to be in the relationship no more. He was “taird” of me. In disbelief I asked him was he sure. He was sure all right. I would not know till months later he had been sure for a long time and maybe he just pitched me the biggest favor ever. He was confused yet made up his mind I wasn’t the woman for him. So with that I fell into something of a depression and a determination never to be that stupid girl again. The one who never would hurt this man and put 100% into a man who just cheated on me and dragged me threw his confused ways all of our relationship. The lies and the risk involved dealing with someone like him I didn’t see until after the relationship. Sure it was good times but damn he did so much to me. I walked away from the mic and would spend countless hours in my room sleep. Waiting to go to work again. That’s all I looked forward to. My friends at the post office. When you cater to someone most of your life and never make time to have a life outside your significant other its hard to bounce back.

So I took the stage Aug. 18th with a determination to excel. To express my feelings like I need to when I write. This situation weighed on me for so long, that I can not be the carrier of someone else any longer. I am a good person and I put my all into something that was false. So getting on that stage showed me all that needs to matter is me right now and getting this music and school right.. Yes im writing a book… peep video for a look into how it will be promoted.

My Bad Lover, I was being Stupid

My bad I was being stupid..
Stood by your side when I was so clueless
Wasn’t too bright
Blinded by ya so called light
I fell off and never regained my LIFE
Boy I gave u my all and with that I lost sight
Lost my grip on the mic
Lost my flight
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Liar, deceiver, actor playing lead role
A mental abuse
You was the beater
Feeder to my sexual desire
But lacked love and all it appliances
I was your front
Your trophy you hide behind
So nobody a kno the secrets they find
Its unfortunate
I would never hurt you or provoke u to cry
But you loved 2 do that me
What crazy shit I find
Laying in the jungle of lies
Disgusting and you wanting something I could never produce
I drive myself insane with the poison you feed me wit forbidden fruit
But I wish you the best as I close this chapter of mine
Close that angle in my mind
Yes this is the final good-bye
Ive said it too many times
But this here feels so sincerer
I don’t love you no more that is so FUCKIN clear
Clearer then I never thought it could
Should a left years ago when it was the 1st time
KNOCK ON WOOD
Who got the short stick
Me myself and I
For being that dumb chick

It all breaks its too late, I feel hate.. but I can take partial blame
Never give second chances to dancing flames..

Pick Up At ya last point of Progress

Activities as of late made me really reflect on the moves I am soon to make and who will be there and who will not.

I had some really bad backsliding days. But a close friend of mine put things in a better perspective for me.

Don’t look at them as backsliding days, look at them as a revisit to old habits, he said, as long as you learn from them and pick up at the point of progress you good..

He is wise.

God knows all we do and all we are. He knows what moves we make before we make them because he knows our hearts. I put my faith more and more in GOD as the days go. I cant sit here and wine and complain too much cause I come alone way from what I was three or four months ago.

So today I found my center peace again. I really don’t care about much right now but myself and developing a stronger relationship with god, my music, family and myself.
Nothing else is even authentic. Sometimes I slip into worlds I wish I was in again but end up hurting myself because the reality can be so painful.

Escaping into music and rebuilding my soul. I must stay in control.

Please visit http://www.ladyjinxxx.com for info on the music.

I got more shows tossed my way and if only I can stay more focused I will be ok..
I cant find happiness in a failed love or a upside confused soul. Someone who is hesitant on you is hesitant on themselves

I Cant Go Back In Time..But U be Apart Of Me..

JUST YESTERDAY it seems me and my people Cash and Lavar was headed up Salisbury, MD to make music. Those were the days I had just started my company B.ALIVE. Everyone couldn’t come to my homegirl Shonte A.K.A dutch house to make music but us three would go. Kick it and talk, geek and make hot records together. We all are different places in our life now. Cash and dutch are members of the company still but just associated because of distance and mindset but I look at em as distant cousins that are still fam and Lavar a.k.a Conscious has been out of b.alive for sometime and have joined other groups but we still civil. I say that little bit to say my my has time passed. That was about four years ago.

When I sometimes sit back and think about how fast time is passing that shit fucking scares me. 7 yr relationship ended this year and FUCK where did the time go? Before I pressed delete on the last visual memories I had on the relationship I read the caption anniversary 22 Dec. 4years!!! DELETE! Next picture 6yrs next week, DAMNNN !! Delete..

If only it was that simple to delete memories like the computer does.

Wasted time and wasted energy.. sometimes to do what necessarily in life?
I been waiting on other people a lot of my years for something. Shit I blink and im 22yrs old.

Just yesterday I was crying my eyes out at graduation cause I thought I loose my high school sweet heart. Fuck 5 years ago. Shit flash back 3years ago quit school to focus on music cause I couldn’t do both, damn fast forward im here back in school when my generation (most of em) walked across the stage this year. My mind wonders. I get fustrated at the shit that ive done in the past but I cant change it. I cant reverse age and fucking change shit about where iam now.

I point blame. Gather hate in my chest because some shit I feel ive done has side tracked me.

What happened to miss independent? Miss wait on no man? Lmao DIED !! 3years ago. Waitied on a house. To be married. To have kids. To chase dreams. To graduate. To get mine. And I can honestly say the cast of love, distraction and self battles are to blame.

FUCK U A.D.D (Attention Deficit Disorder)

Fuck u Love

Fuck u Ave. (myself)

Lmao just kidding. These things are stepping stones… part of me! And tho I want to yell it so badly and be mad so bad at the decisions and wasted time I have made I can only look forward. I been making some mistakes lately. Slipping from my mountain of hurt I been climbing. But it just dawned on me……

Do I want to wait another second, minute, hour, day, YEAR worried about what I don’t have verses what can come to me?

FUCK NO!

So I revist those days and trips I sat wit my x-boyfriend laughing at the dog and looking at each other eyes and watching him sleep this morning

And I revisit trips seeing my friends, recording good music and havin a good time on the ride up to see Dutch this morning teaching myself a lesson…

They are memories. They are things I cant get back and redo. Its over. Its over and its not now. The time I have now is what I must live. Time to just let it be what it is and do what I must do for my future. My goals. Stick to the plan..

Let it go..

Dont Backslide..

Listening to Monica’s song “Believing In Me” off of her new album and I must say it’s the type of song I should live by right now.(LOL) Yesterday I revisited the twightlight zone and found myself backsliding. Artist sometimes speak to our souls when we hurt and go threw things.
One of my favorite artist that speak to me believe it or not is not a hip-hop artist. Her name is Dito. Now my hip-hop heads wondering who is that and why is it not a rapper? Well for one ppl who ask that question, just because I’ am a rapper don’t mean I gotta dig hip-hop artist as tha favorite lol BUT BACK ON TOPIC

I heard her speak to me yesterday as I was backsliding saying “Don’t Slide” one of her lines in her first album. I took those words and kept rocking.

SO on that note I learned a lesson. Don’t inhale tha bullshit again if you already exhaled. Let it go. Let it flow in the direction away from you. Sometimes God takes people out your life, so don’t chase after them, I was told this morning. And I will follow that with friends and whoever .

So I been in procrastination mode for a min in my music career and my school work. It is this class I know that’s coming up that I can get a jump-start on but instead I let the book collect dust. And its beats that need a ripping and a whipping but again I let them sit. Smh.. so I got work to do. On a good note I go to the studio like every week now, putting music together. On a bad note mann the tracks sometimes can be laid much better.

My crew I see is under construction too. Sometimes it don’t get threw to them my intentions. So I think I gotta be more sincere when speaking about the direction and personal shit they must do along with me. We at that age where we can shoot for dreams but we also need that back up plan to the back up plan. Life should not revolve round other ppl but ourselves in order to advance and gain the comfort we need to sit and be happy. No backslide just forward progression up the steps of life.  On that note..

Till next time….

Plez Tell Me God -- Jinxxx

NEW SONG PEEP IT. IM A LIL OFF AND ON ABOUT IT BUT I FELT IT A BIG DEAL IN THE BOOTH. IT WAS LIKE YELL THERPY FOR ME LOL. PEEP IT

FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH- Dedicate- discipline

I have learned the most important lesson this year, yesterday as I talked to my aunt, co-workers and myself.

My aunt said its best. "Its time to focus on you and don't ever put someone higher then yourself or god, because then that makes them a GOD and its ONLY ONE GOD." Well said Auntie!!

Then my co-worker told me, "just give things time and see what i grow to be but its outside those doors of your house, go get it!" Damn RIGHT co-worker lol.

The funny thing is people been telling me for a minute to do me and i was. But somewhere i had got lost again. Caught up in the battles of love and confusion i had seriously thought i was missing something and couldn't got on without it. Only thing missing i told this man a few days back is Dedication and Discipline. They go hand and hand with anything. You can not have discipline with out dedication. Each day that go by its a battle. And i cant put it all on love because love is not all i am missing now. Love and being in a relationship i put my all into. That was my fault. I should a put half of me into it but never loose myself. Trust And Believe I lost myself.

Its been bout three months. and I cried like a little child yesterday lol. but not just because he is gone lol BECAUSE I WAS GONE!!!

MUSIC has saved me again!! And so will GOD in due time. When I DISCIPLINE AND DEDICATE TIME :-) I AM MORE AND MORE!!

Im meant for something more.

So that being said. I set the date for my video. 27th of this month. Also I got a Chicago try out this week via video that I am excited about and also I am grabbing them guys together. B.ALIVE guys. That's my company. My Baby. I been giving the members in the company space not because of me but personal issues we all seem to have. But don't cut us short.

Iam also almost done my project.
Also Stepping out on a leaf this Saturday taking some exotic fitness for my stage performance and to get in shape lol. :-) love that.

Dedicate, and discipline.
One of my old sayings was simple
FOCUS PUSH ACT AND ACCOMPLISH
if u have that mind frame you are unstoppable.
I had it at one point.
I will get it back.

till next time.

Motivation was good to eat.

Sharpen my skills and ready to just do what I need to in order to take myself to a new level. I am excited as I see now its more to do and its more out there then these little problems I have. I will begin classes to improve stage performance next week and also help me tone up.

I also have a video in the makes that I am excited about that will be promotion for my mixtape as i work on another project.

A deal came threw with a Chicago connect. If they like me i will be there in Sept. at their african fest. I am blessed. Maybe somethings are ment to happen after all.

I composed a good outline yesterday of my weekly direction. It was good to try to put myself on a schedule. I know many people dont think I can do it but i damn sure will try. My moms say i never stick to most of the stuff i say i will do. Motivation ate! It was good lol so i will try harder.

The biggest move is making them inside then working your ways outside. I have to work harder! I have to be stronger

the mind bender.. Being there for me.

I'm at work thinking. I got so much waiting for me its just time to get it. Sunday I head to NYC for the "D.M.V meets NYC" showcase. Also got a shot to perform in chicago for their african fest. So all this sits there waiting for me. But this little man is in my head throwing shit out of order. Its also a woman there too confused. Never thought I be one of those woman so effected by a man but I am. Seven years gone is hard to forget. Its been two months and my ass struggles to still move on from a cheating ass lie. Two times. Eve said love is blind. HELL YEA. But I made the choice a day ago not to be put into this game no more. Why beg for something back that was not cool anyways. So I step into the music and hopes it saves me again.

I went to the mall today with a close friend. As I went I threw out the mind bender and lived. I had fun with my friend and peeped my music as the step that needs to work with my school. I am slowly getting back on track but I have a cold heart. I been so different additude wise. I kinda like it. Not giving a fuck can get you far if u choose not to give a fuck about certain things that deserve it.

NYC Sunday such be a boost.
A nice little vacation with someone who cares about me is coming up too.. can't wait..

Music, mind ,body, soul
Educate grow and let shit go.
A lot of people don't care. They pull ya string and laugh at u. Leave u fucked
I can't be that person no more.
I gotta be there for me.

Personal Look/Hip-Hop With Substance

The biggest let down a person can allow to happen is the one you issue to yourself. I allowed that to happen today. I most definitely took a loss today by allowing my emotions block me from progress. I got to big bump to get over and I entertained something I already knew the answer to. End result was a fail to myself because I put myself back.

Shifting my focus back on music im a continue to blog and treat this here joint like a dairy or outlet that partners with music and school. Getting in the habit of dedicating time to something such as this shall help me with dedicating time period. Lets see if I can keep it a habit.

Anyways to other news I been listening to a lot of old school rap lately. Bumping that music it in my car everyday. I notice one important factor that everyone whos a hip-hop head should notice. Back then the messages in the music was the key. A club track had a hot beat and the messages were there in the music. Those who dont know what I speak of listen to the the song by CHUBB ROCK : “Treat Em Right” peep the video below





The video wasn’t much but the song was a hit all around. A club song that had a message. Its many more by I raise the question why do this do not exsist anymore? Why is it so absent and what the fuck is “My Doggie” go sit ya doggie ass down somewhere. Wheres ya message. See in most of my songs I try to deliver a message and stomp out my stereotype while others flow with the stream. The bum rush of old school james have really lifted my spirts Heavy D “We Gotta Own Thang” was like a club track with a message once again for that time. Do you remember “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio. Not a club track but had a message in it that maybe people cant see. The words in it by the vocalist “tell me why are we/ so blind to see/ that the ones we hurt/ are you and me” .. I guess messages don’t mean much to people no more. Honestly I don’t know what the hell Lil Wayne is saying most of the time. The punchlines are nice but dude what are you talking about. No substance. Based on what I heard from him which maybe ten songs maybe that’s all I can say about yo. But check it, lets have more substance and meaning in our rhymes people. Lets bring at least that element of hip-hop back..


side bar: didnt chubb rock remind u of biggy in that video and the guy in the white was puffy?? lmao JUST A JOKE!!

In Perspective.

Registering for my fall classes and I know its going to be a tough semester. My mind is on the road of recovery. Its better then it was before the sudden break-up. Who would a knew this shit a be so hard and good at the same time. When things take place in our lives and we loose something important to us, we soon see the broad picture that was being blocked by what we thought was important. My friends, I don’t have many. They seasonal like sports. Some I see quick to jump hills when you need them the most. Also put in perspective is how much I dislike living in Baltimore. I want to see so much more then this. I want to expand and just go. I want so much. Also my family has been put in perspective, how much I havnt been around some parts of my family and how I should be around. All this has come clear because of one misplacement or loss. Weird huh?

My music is my closest friends besides three of my co-workers lol.

Doesn’t that make me sound pathetic??

But I know I’m not pathetic.
I know I’m unique in ways that can not be expressed into a humans mind. They really don’t make woman like me no more. May sound cocky but damn it’s the truth and I can better show you then tell you. The outlook on one self has definitely broadened though I still gotta a lot of work to do. Clearing my mind to look at the bigger things in life.

Anyways I head back to the studio tomorrow to record two tracks maybe three. One name “Dance Like Beyonce” LOL very different type of track that has a swing to it. If I lay it right it may be something. Next track called “ Single”, opening my arms to the world of being single with a club beat that many should relate to . and last but not least the track “Over Years” expresses how my fuck ups and missed opportunities have made time past me and im just reflecting on shit I can not change. If I get to three tracks I shall be happy.

My musical clan I have decided that I can not take care of currently to the full potential that I would like to. Im saving for a house and don’t have the funds to push men in the direction they need to be pushed in. Im still working with them but the site being closed down until further notice is the best next step for now. $20.00 a month for a website that’s not getting any new updates shows and so forth should be put on the back burner. The guys need studio time. The guys need to write. The guys need to get some things in order and so do I . We all on the same page almost.

Things are coming to an order in my head.
Not so clutter.
Not so distressed ..
But perfectly clear
In perspective.